I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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