Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
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