I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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