Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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