I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
