I want to have your abortion
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
God, you're like boner-b-gone
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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