He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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