I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
