this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize