So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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