is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
