Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
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