how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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