Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
