Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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