his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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