He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
