He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
So much Jack, so little girl.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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