I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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