god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
