There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
