She went from zero to smokin in five shots
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
