our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
