The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
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