Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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