Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
