He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
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