A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
