so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
