I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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