The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
