I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
