Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
In America we eat man semen.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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