fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
