When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
