Don't you send me to vm
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
