He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize