I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Randomize
