my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
