Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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