I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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