The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
