I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
