Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize