Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
