1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
