I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
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