just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
