I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
