my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
