Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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