ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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