i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
