This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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