i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize