What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
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