well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
