took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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