remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
