My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
