she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
