Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
