Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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