Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
