My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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