thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize