you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
