is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
