You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
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