Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
