You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
