bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
