Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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