some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
