You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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