You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
