Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I think people are normalizing furries
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
