Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
