Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
