It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
