you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
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