you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
