Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
