watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Pants are for mortals
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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