Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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