I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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