my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Randomize
