After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize