I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
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