Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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