I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
how drunk are you?
Several
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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