There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
being pregnant is like rehab
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
