Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
