what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
