I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize