God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
that is very illegal...i love you.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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