Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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