could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
