I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
