I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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