I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
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