you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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