I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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